If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
 
Two statues, one of a naked man, the other of a naked woman had stood in a park facing each other for hundreds of years. One day, their Fairy Godmother arrived on the scene and with a twinkle of her wand converted them both into flesh and blood people.

"You have one hour as real people to do whatever you have always wanted to do." Instructed the Fairy Godmother.
Delighted and without a moments hesitation, the two disappeared hand in hand into the nearby bushes and much rustling and giggling ensued.
After half an hour the two emerged from the bushes looking extremely pleased with themselves and making repeated exclamations of how good it had been.
The Fairy Godmother checked her watch and said, "You still have another half hour to enjoy yourselves."

The statues looked at each other like two children with a new toy. Absolutely delighted, the two turned back to the bushes, hand in hand, the male statue saying, "OK, this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop all over it."
 
Im not racial at all, and I dont really think this joke is racial, so here it goes.

What do you call a black man followed by hundreds of white people?

Tiger Woods.
 
BUMP and SHARE - thread's been dead for over 3 months! WE NEED SOME JOKES! :)

A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own.

"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear.

“We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and uh.."

Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the “wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them you arrogant little ****head!! Now, what are you doing for the next generation??"
Click to expand...

Had to share!
 
I totally agree Dan. The best answer I was able to come up with is that we've expanded on them, made them safer, more reliable, more affordable, etc... I'm still waiting for the hover cars and the cars that run on water to be mass produced ;)
 
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