WhereTolook
New member
I decided to go shopping with my wife <gasp>. Now I am not unopposed to shopping even though I am that semi-overweight guy that sits in front of the TV every Football Sunday. I mean, c'mon, it isn't THAT bad... usually.
So we go into a department store... you know, one of those overpriced, overdecorated stores that force you to walk through the perfume department just to get in. As soon as I made it through the perfume fog to the other side I realize this is a WOMEN'S CLOTHING store! No electronics to distract me. No Mens clothes to occupy me for a minute. Yes, I looked at the bra section with interest but hey, that can only last so long and it's not like I could STUDY them whilst standing next to my wife right?!
Anyways, i got bored pretty quick. As I was looking around I saw another guy in the same predicament as me. Instead of the usual "rat caught in a trap" look that I expected this guy was grinning. Well, I figured he was either a newlywed, or a retard. BUUT... He looked intelligent so I decided to strike up a conversation when my wife went to try somem dress on...
Me: "Maaaan... how can women be so interested in everything on the rack?"
Mr Grinny: "I know it <whew>. I have been here for over thirty minutes already."
Me: "Thirty minutes?! Then why are you grinning?!!"
Grinny Face: "hehehe..."
Me:"Whaaaat?" (I'm beginning to get worried here...and start to edge away)
Drooly Pants: "I'm going to steal these earrings and give them to my wife later... she will so think I love her that she will put out!"
Me: "WHAAAT?! <whisper> you can't do that!!!"
Holy crap. I've latched on to a mental patient. I look all around guiltily like it's ME stealing something. CRAP! CRAP! If I tell my wife she will think I am lying just to get out of this store... if I try to walk away from Mr Mental, he will think I am going to snitch on him. Then I get a great IDEA! :idea:
So, I tell him that is a great idea and maybe I will find something nice to steal for my wife too... over there... uhhh.. in that area way over there... and start edging away. Thinking to myself that I will quietly tell security and all will be done without me being implacated...
But Mr Giggles starts following me. So I go around the counters thinking I might lose him. I mean, we weren't running a race...
CRAP! Now he's ready to sprint after me! So I bolt towards the security door and Dr Lector jumps me from behind around the leg and we fall to the floor!! So there I was kicking him and he was pulling my leg... pulling my leg... just like I'm pulling yours now...
:thankyou: :thankyou: :thankyou:
So we go into a department store... you know, one of those overpriced, overdecorated stores that force you to walk through the perfume department just to get in. As soon as I made it through the perfume fog to the other side I realize this is a WOMEN'S CLOTHING store! No electronics to distract me. No Mens clothes to occupy me for a minute. Yes, I looked at the bra section with interest but hey, that can only last so long and it's not like I could STUDY them whilst standing next to my wife right?!
Anyways, i got bored pretty quick. As I was looking around I saw another guy in the same predicament as me. Instead of the usual "rat caught in a trap" look that I expected this guy was grinning. Well, I figured he was either a newlywed, or a retard. BUUT... He looked intelligent so I decided to strike up a conversation when my wife went to try somem dress on...
Me: "Maaaan... how can women be so interested in everything on the rack?"
Mr Grinny: "I know it <whew>. I have been here for over thirty minutes already."
Me: "Thirty minutes?! Then why are you grinning?!!"
Grinny Face: "hehehe..."
Me:"Whaaaat?" (I'm beginning to get worried here...and start to edge away)
Drooly Pants: "I'm going to steal these earrings and give them to my wife later... she will so think I love her that she will put out!"
Me: "WHAAAT?! <whisper> you can't do that!!!"
Holy crap. I've latched on to a mental patient. I look all around guiltily like it's ME stealing something. CRAP! CRAP! If I tell my wife she will think I am lying just to get out of this store... if I try to walk away from Mr Mental, he will think I am going to snitch on him. Then I get a great IDEA! :idea:
So, I tell him that is a great idea and maybe I will find something nice to steal for my wife too... over there... uhhh.. in that area way over there... and start edging away. Thinking to myself that I will quietly tell security and all will be done without me being implacated...
But Mr Giggles starts following me. So I go around the counters thinking I might lose him. I mean, we weren't running a race...
CRAP! Now he's ready to sprint after me! So I bolt towards the security door and Dr Lector jumps me from behind around the leg and we fall to the floor!! So there I was kicking him and he was pulling my leg... pulling my leg... just like I'm pulling yours now...
:thankyou: :thankyou: :thankyou:
